Life's Not Fair

My little sister was finally told that she wasn't responding to her chemo, and that our family should should take time and spend it with her because they don't know exactly how much time she has left to live. People have told me all my life that life isn't fair and that I should just get used to it. Not everything goes the way that you want it and sometimes you just need to accept that. However, I don't think it is fair that an eleven year old has to say goodbye to a world that she hasn't really been able to live in a get a good experience.

She will never get to experience high school, and I know that some people say that high school was nothing great, but to a little girl who knows that she will never get the chance to be a high school freshman it really sucks. She will never get to go out on a first date, or experience a high school prom. I know it kills my dad to think that he will never get to walk his daughter down the isle.

The one person in our family that is really taking this whole thing the hardest is my little sisters twin Nikki. Nikki has stopped doing anything with her friends and does nothing but sit by her sisters side. All Nikki does is cry when she isn't around her sister. She doesn't want to cry in front of her because she doesn't want to make her more upset than she already is. I don't think anyone will ever understand why a girl that young and that still has everything in her life yet to live for is being taken from the people that love her the most.

It sounds weird but my grandpa gave our family a song to listen to called " Streets of Heaven" by Sherrie Austin. The song helps us hope that my sister goes somewhere peaceful and that just because her life here on earth is coming to end that her spirit will live on and be happy. She deserves to be happy she has been so great through the whole thing. It seems like she is the glue that is hold our family together so that we don't all fall apart in grief. I try to spend as much time as I can with her and try to make up for the time that I wont have. But for now I am taking it day by day and being thankful for each day that I am being given to be with her.

Saying Goodbye

On Monday February 8th my dad took off work so that we could bury Cocoa. It took my dad and my me a long time to dig a grave because the ground was so frozen. We put Cocoa's body in a wooden box that my grandpa had made just for him. As my dad and I were digging the grave my sister just sat with the box in her tiny lap and cried, while Buddy laid by my sisters feet and just whimpered. Finally my dad and I had dug the grave deep enough so Cocoa would have a good resting place.

We then walked back up to my grandparents house so we could get my mom and help my sister out so she could bury her puppy properly. My grandparents own a farm out in Granville and by there barn they have a pet cemetery for all of our families pets that have passed away. Once I was back into the house I walked over to my sister and told her that it was time. She leaned over and hugged me and started crying a whole new set of tears. Seeing her this way and knowing how much that puppy meant to her made me cry right along with her. I kept wondering what kind of person runs over a dog and just keeps on driving. I wondered if maybe it would have made a difference in the persons heart if he or she would have known that the puppy belonged to a sick dying little girl. None of that mattered though because what had been done was done and nothing could ever change that.

After I got my sister calmed down a little I asked her if she was ready, and she nodded yes so I helped get her coat, boots, gloves, and scarf on. When everyone was bundled up we all started to walk while my dad carried my sister to the place where the grave awaited Cocoa. Seeing this hole in the ground made a lump grow in my throat but I new that I needed to be strong for my sister who's heart had already been hurt more than enough times for a girl her age.

Once we arrived at the grave I read a poem called Rainbow Bridge, it's a poem for the animals that we have lost. After I finished reading the poem my sister said a few words and then placed Cocoa in his grave. My dad and Papaw finished filling in the hole and we all started back to the house. When we got back to the house my sister asked where Buddy was, and I looked out the window and saw Buddy just laying down my Cocoa's grave. Seeing Buddy and my little sister was one of the saddest things that I have had to see. I hope to never see anything this sad again, because it truly does hurt your heart.

May You Rest in Peace.

This past weekend was not one of my favorites. I wish that I could have just skipped this weekend all together. On Friday after all of the snow had hit and we were practically snowed into the house my sister thought it would be fun to see how Cocoa did with the snow since he had never been around the snow before. So, my dad and I got her out of the bed and put in a chair so she could watch out of the window and watch Cocoa while he was outside.

Now our back yard is fenced in so we weren't worried about Cocoa escaping, but just to be on the safe side my dad and I bundled up and went outside with Cocoa. He and the other dog Buddy went nuts. They went nuts Cocoa couldn't get enough of the snow he kept running and jumping into it and throwing it up into the air. After about 30 minuets I looked inside and saw that my sister was getting a little tired so we took both of the dogs back inside. Later that night while my dad and I went out to shovel Cocoa got out. He ran out into the road and before my dad or I could catch him he disappeared.

My dad and I both searched our neighbor hood for hours shouting his name, but he never came. We both went back to the house with a heavy heart because we had to tell my little sister that her dog was gone. My little sister cried and cried when we told her about Cocoa. She got mad at us and yelled but we understood that my little sister was in pain. Cocoa was her best friend he was the one that cuddled with her when she was to weak to even try to play with her.

My dad and I were still optimistic though that Cocoa would show up. After all Cocoa new where our house was he had been walked around out neighborhood several times. Plus we new that Cocoa loved my little sister to much to just leave her.

By Saturday afternoon though Cocoa had still not returned. Later that day my dad was shoveling snow when I heard him call my name. I ran outside thinking he may have found Cocoa. I new that my sister would be so happy. However, when I finally reached where my dad was standing I saw him holding Cocoas lifeless body, and I saw my dad actually shed a tear. I won't lie when I saw Cocoa I broke down and cried. I wondered how my sister would take this news. It appeared that someone had hit Cocoa when he was returning home and didn't have the decency to stop and tell us. Instead they left him out in the snow.

Telling my little sister that Cocoa was dead was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I had to see my sister break down in tears and morn her puppy. I guess someone our there really does care about my sister and if you believe in God you could say that he was looking our for her. Just a week earlier Buddy showed up on our door step and right now he is helping my sister. All day Sunday Buddy laid in bed with my sister and just sat there in silence. You can tell that he misses his friend just like my sister misses hers.

RUN RUN!!!!!

My sister finally came back from the hospital on Thursday. She was kept a little longer than she was supposed to, but that was only because we wanted to make sure that she was really okay before she came back to our house. The day she came back to the house Cocoa went nuts. He was so excited to see her he jumped up and down, let out little happy barks, and so much more. On the flip side he somehow could tell that my sister was feeling worse than usually so he didn't go to over the top.

When my sister got home she was so excited to see her puppy. She hadn't seen him since she was rushed to the hospital. Although, if you would have seen her you wouldn't have thought she was that excited, but that is just because her energy level isn't like yours or mine. Her chemotherapy sucks down her energy level, sometimes it wears her out for her just to lift her arm.

Anyways Cocoa was the best little puppy I have ever seen. He just laid there by my sister and didn't move unless he had to get up and use his puppy pad or to eat or drink. He did this from the time my sister got home on Thursday to the time a new dog showed up on our door step on Saturday.

Yes, on Saturday morning Cocoa came across a playing buddy. My sister was sitting in her bed eating what she could of her breakfast when Cocoa started barking and becoming his hyper self again. She asked me to look outside and see what Cocoa was barking at so I did, and sitting on our door step was a basset hound. He didn't have a collar on him but he seemed friendly enough so we let him in the house. As soon as the dog walked into the house he took no time at all to become comfortable with his surroundings. However, Cocoa decided that this new dog was going to be a playmate.

For the rest of the day Saturday all day Sunday and Monday the two dogs have done nothing but run around and play with each other. The only time they aren't playing is when they are sleeping or eating. Even though Cocoa has a new playmate he still hasn't forgotten about my sister. Every ten or twenty minuets he would go into my sisters room and check up on her, and once he saw that she was still in her room and doing okay he would go right back to playing with his new found friend. Those two dogs have more energy than I have ever seen.

Mans Best Friend

Last Wednesday my little sister got life flighted. When your on chemotherapy it makes your immune system very weak, and it very easy for someone with a weak immune system to get sick very quickly. Your immune system helps you fight of sickness and get you better faster. When your immune system is damaged it doesn't help you like it's supposed to.So, when you get something like a common cold it could be deadly to a person thats immune system is very weak like my younger sisters.


I was baby sitting my sister and she was playing with cocoa. Everything seemed to be perfectly fine. Then I heard my sister run to the bathroom and slam the door shut. At first I didn't think anything of it because my sister is always getting sick due to the chemotherapy. However, I new something was wrong when Cocoa was pawing at the bathroom door and she was still in the bathroom after 15mins..

So I went to the bathroom and found my sister laying on the floor crying, and telling me that she didn't feel good. I panicked because I had mentioned earlier her immune system is very weak and any kind of anything could become very deadly . I didn't have time to wait so I put my sister in my car and drover her to Licking Memorial Hospital. From there she was life flighted to Childrens Hospital.

My sister has been in the hospital since Wednesday, and I am taking care of Cocoa. Cocoa seemed to know that something wasn't right because he wasn't his normal self. Instead of being his normal self ( which includes chewing on shoes, barking at anything he see's outside, running around in circles to entertain himself when everyone else is busy, and much more), he just seemed to mope. Cocoa would just lie around only getting up long enough to go outside and eat. He was very lifeless. By Friday he was starting to scare me and I new my little sister would be very upset if anything happened to him. So, I took him to the vet.

The vet said that Cocoa was going to be okay. He was just probably depressed because he new that something was wrong with my sister, but he didn't know what. He told me to have him listen to my sister voice on the telephone and he should seem to perk back up to more of his normal self. So, that night I called my moms cell phone and had her put my sister on the phone. I told my sister that I was going to put Cocoa on the phone so that he could hear her voice because he missed her. When I put Cocoa near the phone and he heard my little sisters voice his whole body shook with excitment. I had to keep a very good hold on him because he was shaking so hard I thought I would drop him.

After talking to my sister Cocoa seemed to become his normal self. My sister is still in the hospital, but if everything goes as good as it is they are saying she can come home on Tuesday. I can't wait to see Cocoa when he finally gets to see my sister. I still have Cocoa listen to my sisters voice everynight, but I couldn't believe how muched he missed her when she first left. Dogs really are Mans Best Friend. Just like I know that Cocoa is my sisters Best Friend.

What a Fan Hog!!

Okay in my last post I mentioned a pee pad, and for those of you who aren't really sure what that is let me take a moment and briefly explain. A pee pad is square that you put someplace out of the way that the dog can find. A pee pad has an absorbent side that the dog can go to the bathroom on.

My sister gets hot flashes a lot so she has four fans in her room that are usually always on. Whenever I go into her room I always have to wear a sweatshirt and I always have to have at least one blanket on me at all times. My sister has to go to chemo due to her illness, and one of the side effects of the chemo is that it gives my sister really bad hot flashes. ( Which for those of you who aren't sure what a hot flash is I'll tell you. A hot flash is when you get really hot no matter what the temperature may be outside, and in my sisters case she has to have a bunch of fans blowing on her before she can be comfortable in a room)

Anyways, I'm sitting in my sisters room with her right now as I'm posting this and personally I thinks it's freezing, but my sister thinks it feels just perfect but what can I do it's her room. Cocoa is also in her room,( as usual) and he is laying right in front of one of the fans in her room. He is laying on his back with his legs in the air and his tongue is hanging out of his mouth. He looks so content and happy.

I told my sister to look at the dog, because right now he looks pretty funny, and she said that he does that every time that she has the fans turned on. She calls him her little fan hog. He would rather sleep on the floor in front of one of the fans then sleep in her bed. She also said that when she turns the fans off Cocoa will sit up and look at the fan like, " what the hell just happened, where did all the cold air go?" She said that if she doesn't turn the fan back on the dog will then proceed to bark at the fan and start to chew on it till my sister turns it back on for him. He is such a spoiled little puppy.

The Beginning!!

On Christmas my little sister received a puppy. He was about a foot and a half long and he was brown all over his body except for a small white spot on the top of his head. This is how his name came to be Cocoa.

At first Cocoa was shy and just sat on my sisters or someones lap. Then he gradually became comfortable with his surroundings and started sniffing and exploring the house. My mother has a malti-poo and a pomeranian who have been living with us now for about seven years, and for those seven years they have been the only two dogs in the house. So, as you can imagine they were not happy with the new addition to the family. When my mother would play with the new puppy the other two dogs would get jealous and try to steal my mothers attention, but as everyone knows that's not an easy thing to do when a new puppy is in the house.

Throughout the day and many days after we had to keep a close eye on Cocoa because he wasn't potty trained yet and if he did anything in the house my mother would probably have a heart attack( she suffers from OCD).

Because of my sisters illness she can't always take him outside. Her chemotherapy sometimes makes her sick to her stomach and getting up to let the dog out is sometimes just not an option for her. So, she decided too train Cocoa to use a puppy pad. That way if she is unable to take the dog outside and there is no one else in the house to do it the dog won't have an accident on the floor. Training Cocoa to use the puppy pad was not a very difficult thing to do luckily.Which was a good thing because sometimes it can be a little difficult to train a dog to use a puppy pad. The pad has a scent on it that makes the dog want to use it. Also my sister put the pad in her room because that is where the dog will spend a lot of his time do to the fact that my sister doesn't really get to do much.

There are other methods to potty training your dog, but using the puppy pads was just one of the methods that suited our situation best.