Monday, February 22, 2010

Life's Not Fair

My little sister was finally told that she wasn't responding to her chemo, and that our family should should take time and spend it with her because they don't know exactly how much time she has left to live. People have told me all my life that life isn't fair and that I should just get used to it. Not everything goes the way that you want it and sometimes you just need to accept that. However, I don't think it is fair that an eleven year old has to say goodbye to a world that she hasn't really been able to live in a get a good experience.

She will never get to experience high school, and I know that some people say that high school was nothing great, but to a little girl who knows that she will never get the chance to be a high school freshman it really sucks. She will never get to go out on a first date, or experience a high school prom. I know it kills my dad to think that he will never get to walk his daughter down the isle.

The one person in our family that is really taking this whole thing the hardest is my little sisters twin Nikki. Nikki has stopped doing anything with her friends and does nothing but sit by her sisters side. All Nikki does is cry when she isn't around her sister. She doesn't want to cry in front of her because she doesn't want to make her more upset than she already is. I don't think anyone will ever understand why a girl that young and that still has everything in her life yet to live for is being taken from the people that love her the most.

It sounds weird but my grandpa gave our family a song to listen to called " Streets of Heaven" by Sherrie Austin. The song helps us hope that my sister goes somewhere peaceful and that just because her life here on earth is coming to end that her spirit will live on and be happy. She deserves to be happy she has been so great through the whole thing. It seems like she is the glue that is hold our family together so that we don't all fall apart in grief. I try to spend as much time as I can with her and try to make up for the time that I wont have. But for now I am taking it day by day and being thankful for each day that I am being given to be with her.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Saying Goodbye

On Monday February 8th my dad took off work so that we could bury Cocoa. It took my dad and my me a long time to dig a grave because the ground was so frozen. We put Cocoa's body in a wooden box that my grandpa had made just for him. As my dad and I were digging the grave my sister just sat with the box in her tiny lap and cried, while Buddy laid by my sisters feet and just whimpered. Finally my dad and I had dug the grave deep enough so Cocoa would have a good resting place.

We then walked back up to my grandparents house so we could get my mom and help my sister out so she could bury her puppy properly. My grandparents own a farm out in Granville and by there barn they have a pet cemetery for all of our families pets that have passed away. Once I was back into the house I walked over to my sister and told her that it was time. She leaned over and hugged me and started crying a whole new set of tears. Seeing her this way and knowing how much that puppy meant to her made me cry right along with her. I kept wondering what kind of person runs over a dog and just keeps on driving. I wondered if maybe it would have made a difference in the persons heart if he or she would have known that the puppy belonged to a sick dying little girl. None of that mattered though because what had been done was done and nothing could ever change that.

After I got my sister calmed down a little I asked her if she was ready, and she nodded yes so I helped get her coat, boots, gloves, and scarf on. When everyone was bundled up we all started to walk while my dad carried my sister to the place where the grave awaited Cocoa. Seeing this hole in the ground made a lump grow in my throat but I new that I needed to be strong for my sister who's heart had already been hurt more than enough times for a girl her age.

Once we arrived at the grave I read a poem called Rainbow Bridge, it's a poem for the animals that we have lost. After I finished reading the poem my sister said a few words and then placed Cocoa in his grave. My dad and Papaw finished filling in the hole and we all started back to the house. When we got back to the house my sister asked where Buddy was, and I looked out the window and saw Buddy just laying down my Cocoa's grave. Seeing Buddy and my little sister was one of the saddest things that I have had to see. I hope to never see anything this sad again, because it truly does hurt your heart.

Monday, February 8, 2010

May You Rest in Peace.

This past weekend was not one of my favorites. I wish that I could have just skipped this weekend all together. On Friday after all of the snow had hit and we were practically snowed into the house my sister thought it would be fun to see how Cocoa did with the snow since he had never been around the snow before. So, my dad and I got her out of the bed and put in a chair so she could watch out of the window and watch Cocoa while he was outside.

Now our back yard is fenced in so we weren't worried about Cocoa escaping, but just to be on the safe side my dad and I bundled up and went outside with Cocoa. He and the other dog Buddy went nuts. They went nuts Cocoa couldn't get enough of the snow he kept running and jumping into it and throwing it up into the air. After about 30 minuets I looked inside and saw that my sister was getting a little tired so we took both of the dogs back inside. Later that night while my dad and I went out to shovel Cocoa got out. He ran out into the road and before my dad or I could catch him he disappeared.

My dad and I both searched our neighbor hood for hours shouting his name, but he never came. We both went back to the house with a heavy heart because we had to tell my little sister that her dog was gone. My little sister cried and cried when we told her about Cocoa. She got mad at us and yelled but we understood that my little sister was in pain. Cocoa was her best friend he was the one that cuddled with her when she was to weak to even try to play with her.

My dad and I were still optimistic though that Cocoa would show up. After all Cocoa new where our house was he had been walked around out neighborhood several times. Plus we new that Cocoa loved my little sister to much to just leave her.

By Saturday afternoon though Cocoa had still not returned. Later that day my dad was shoveling snow when I heard him call my name. I ran outside thinking he may have found Cocoa. I new that my sister would be so happy. However, when I finally reached where my dad was standing I saw him holding Cocoas lifeless body, and I saw my dad actually shed a tear. I won't lie when I saw Cocoa I broke down and cried. I wondered how my sister would take this news. It appeared that someone had hit Cocoa when he was returning home and didn't have the decency to stop and tell us. Instead they left him out in the snow.

Telling my little sister that Cocoa was dead was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I had to see my sister break down in tears and morn her puppy. I guess someone our there really does care about my sister and if you believe in God you could say that he was looking our for her. Just a week earlier Buddy showed up on our door step and right now he is helping my sister. All day Sunday Buddy laid in bed with my sister and just sat there in silence. You can tell that he misses his friend just like my sister misses hers.

Monday, February 1, 2010

RUN RUN!!!!!

My sister finally came back from the hospital on Thursday. She was kept a little longer than she was supposed to, but that was only because we wanted to make sure that she was really okay before she came back to our house. The day she came back to the house Cocoa went nuts. He was so excited to see her he jumped up and down, let out little happy barks, and so much more. On the flip side he somehow could tell that my sister was feeling worse than usually so he didn't go to over the top.

When my sister got home she was so excited to see her puppy. She hadn't seen him since she was rushed to the hospital. Although, if you would have seen her you wouldn't have thought she was that excited, but that is just because her energy level isn't like yours or mine. Her chemotherapy sucks down her energy level, sometimes it wears her out for her just to lift her arm.

Anyways Cocoa was the best little puppy I have ever seen. He just laid there by my sister and didn't move unless he had to get up and use his puppy pad or to eat or drink. He did this from the time my sister got home on Thursday to the time a new dog showed up on our door step on Saturday.

Yes, on Saturday morning Cocoa came across a playing buddy. My sister was sitting in her bed eating what she could of her breakfast when Cocoa started barking and becoming his hyper self again. She asked me to look outside and see what Cocoa was barking at so I did, and sitting on our door step was a basset hound. He didn't have a collar on him but he seemed friendly enough so we let him in the house. As soon as the dog walked into the house he took no time at all to become comfortable with his surroundings. However, Cocoa decided that this new dog was going to be a playmate.

For the rest of the day Saturday all day Sunday and Monday the two dogs have done nothing but run around and play with each other. The only time they aren't playing is when they are sleeping or eating. Even though Cocoa has a new playmate he still hasn't forgotten about my sister. Every ten or twenty minuets he would go into my sisters room and check up on her, and once he saw that she was still in her room and doing okay he would go right back to playing with his new found friend. Those two dogs have more energy than I have ever seen.